Youtube: so we’ve managed to show only 117k views for trumps speech.

CNN: that’s still way too much.

Podesta: anyone seen my pasta sauce? I think it was cheese with nuts but he might be dead by now.

Soros: oh well

Google: I can crash the servers of the universe!

Huffington Post: yeah but then no one will read our dogshit reporting.

New York Times: It is dogshit. We lie so much better than you do.

CIA: I’ve seen better. (laughter)

Obama: Anyway, uh, would anyone like to go golfing at Mar-a-Lago? I’m just saying, it’s a really nice course.

Hillary: I hate you so much right now.